Today, I am thankful for my car.
Not just because it gets me places. And not just because it's a cute little Honda Civic.
You see, my car (Lola) is my sanctuary.
It provides the quiet moments when I need them the most.
The biggest thing I miss about living in Sacramento was that our apartment was quiet.
Don't get me wrong, sometimes I am the loudest person in the room and I love laughing almost
more than life itself.
But there's something about coming home to a quiet house and being able to relax and just sit.
When I moved back into my home, that was the hardest thing. I felt like I never had quiet time.
So that's why today, I'm thankful for my car.
I can just go and sit and take a minute to myself.
It's pretty much my favorite.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Gratitude Challenge: Day Two
Today I am thankful for the little reminders that the Lord sends me just to remind me of how much He loves me. The tangible, physical things that He does for me. Just because.
Like replacing the pin that broke off my purse. So simple. So silly. But it was important to me and He knew that. And He fixed it.
I just love Him.
Like replacing the pin that broke off my purse. So simple. So silly. But it was important to me and He knew that. And He fixed it.
I just love Him.
Gratitude Challenge: Day One
Emily has inspired me to take part in the "Gratitude Challenge."
She did it last year and it was so refreshing and inspiring that I decided to jump on the bandwagon.
The gist: Instead of giving thanks and just being thankful on Thanksgiving, you take some time every day in November to write about something (or a few things) that you are thankful for.
I'm a day behind so here we go.
Day One:
I am thankful for Life Groups.
I went to The Stirring for awhile before I jumped into Life Groups because I was a little weary about them. Years ago my family and I attended a church that just wasn't the greatest. It caused me to always put on a face and not let anyone know how I was really feeling. I built up walls and hated letting people in.
However, when I decided to attend a Life Group it ended up being amazing. Every single one that I have been in has been a part of my healing process and has helped my heart.
I've learned how to let people in and how to be vulnerable. I've learned that in order to have real, meaningful relationships you must let people in.
So today, I am thankful for Life Groups. I am thankful for the sense of family that they foster. I am thankful for community. I am thankful for the people who hold me accountable and love me. I am thankful for the leaders who have poured into me. And I'm thankful for the relationships that have come out of Life Groups.
She did it last year and it was so refreshing and inspiring that I decided to jump on the bandwagon.
The gist: Instead of giving thanks and just being thankful on Thanksgiving, you take some time every day in November to write about something (or a few things) that you are thankful for.
I'm a day behind so here we go.
Day One:
I am thankful for Life Groups.
I went to The Stirring for awhile before I jumped into Life Groups because I was a little weary about them. Years ago my family and I attended a church that just wasn't the greatest. It caused me to always put on a face and not let anyone know how I was really feeling. I built up walls and hated letting people in.
However, when I decided to attend a Life Group it ended up being amazing. Every single one that I have been in has been a part of my healing process and has helped my heart.
I've learned how to let people in and how to be vulnerable. I've learned that in order to have real, meaningful relationships you must let people in.
So today, I am thankful for Life Groups. I am thankful for the sense of family that they foster. I am thankful for community. I am thankful for the people who hold me accountable and love me. I am thankful for the leaders who have poured into me. And I'm thankful for the relationships that have come out of Life Groups.
Monday, January 31, 2011
The Shack
I've been posting every week on my music blog so I figured it was time to update this one too.
Two weeks ago Emily (she blogs a lot more often than I do.. check hers out!) let me borrow "The Shack" by William P. Young along with a few other books.
I had only heard AMAZING things about "The Shack" so I decided to read that one first.
Lets just say... that my life was changed for the better.
First, a little background.
Growing up in a "faith based" home I've known about God my whole life but until about 5 years ago did I really start my relationship with Him. It's been an incredible journey. He's shown me things and helped me work through things and there has been exponential growth.
The latest thing that we've been working on is how I see Him. I had no problem seeing Him as Healer, or Saviour, or Almighty but the past five months or so has been Him showing me that He is Abba. Father. Dad.
It has been Him showing me that He is the Perfect Father.
It has been Him speaking words of affirmation that I am His perfect daughter in whom He is well pleased.
It has been Him telling me that He is proud of me, even when I think that I'm screwing things up.
It has been Him showing me pictures of Him and I sitting and just talking.
Pictures of Him holding me like a little girl.
Pictures of Him treating me like the princess that I am.
It's been amazing, yet really hard.
I have an AMAZING "earth" (for lack of a better word) Dad, but something I came to realize over these few months is that I was forced to grow up really fast.
I was an only child for four years and that was pretty much the only time that I was seen as a "little girl."
Right after my sister was born I immediately became "the older sister."
I was no longer held in my Dad's arms. I was always taking care of my sister and helping my parents out with her, rather than being cared FOR. (I'm NOT saying that my parents didn't take care of me... because they did.... and they are amazing parents... but I wasn't seen as the "little girl" anymore.. I hope you get what I'm saying)
These last few months I've realized just how much this has affected me.
I LOVE to take care of others, yet when it comes to people caring for me, I feel awkward.
I feel that others' problems or dilemmas are more important than mine.
I have a sort of "I can take care of myself" attitude.
I love to feel "needed."
So, God has been working on these things.
Showing me just how MUCH He loves me.
Showing me that I am, and will always be, His little girl.
Showing me how much others love me.
And showing me that it's okay to need others around me.
(Back to the point of the blog... the book)
So, God had (and still is) been working on these things when Emily gave me this book to read.
It's about this man spending an entire weekend with God. About God showing Him how much He is loved and helping the man understand why certain things happened to him.
As I was read the book, I cried more times than I care to admit.
It was as if everything God had been trying to tell me and show me, was reiterated.
How much He cares for me. How much He loves me. How much He wants to spend time with me. And how much He knows me.
It was beautiful.
This book also gave me this new perspective on God. How funny He is. How He doesn't like to be serious all the time. How He likes to be silly.
It was just amazing.
I recommend every single person to get your hands on this book.
*Disclaimer*
This book is not guaranteed to give you a revelation of God's love for you, but it's still a good read. (Haha)
Monday, January 17, 2011
A Key
A key was given to me on Saturday.
This little gold key.
I guess I should clarify that the actual key, has no significance, but the reason I received the key, is what makes it amazing.
On Saturday George and Jilee gave me a key to Fox Hair Studio.
I'm not apprenticing yet. And there was no "real" reason for them to give it to me.
But the fact that they did, was monumental.
I spend a lot of time there and this will help me to be able to come in the back door.
The fact that they trust me with a key to their shop floored me.
I was reminded when they gave it to me that I am loved.
Not only by them, but by God too.
He had me in Sacramento for a season and as hard as it was to come back, He is showing me (slowly but surely) that He's had a plan in place the entire time.
He has placed me in a church (community) that love me and are going to be there for me on this whole journey.
He has placed specific people in my life (such as George and Jilee) that are going to help me reach my dreams for my career and in serving Him.
It may sound silly that something as simple as a key could mean ALL of that to me, but it did.
I love little reminders like that, that show me that I am loved and that I am taken care of.
This little gold key.
I guess I should clarify that the actual key, has no significance, but the reason I received the key, is what makes it amazing.
On Saturday George and Jilee gave me a key to Fox Hair Studio.
I'm not apprenticing yet. And there was no "real" reason for them to give it to me.
But the fact that they did, was monumental.
I spend a lot of time there and this will help me to be able to come in the back door.
The fact that they trust me with a key to their shop floored me.
I was reminded when they gave it to me that I am loved.
Not only by them, but by God too.
He had me in Sacramento for a season and as hard as it was to come back, He is showing me (slowly but surely) that He's had a plan in place the entire time.
He has placed me in a church (community) that love me and are going to be there for me on this whole journey.
He has placed specific people in my life (such as George and Jilee) that are going to help me reach my dreams for my career and in serving Him.
It may sound silly that something as simple as a key could mean ALL of that to me, but it did.
I love little reminders like that, that show me that I am loved and that I am taken care of.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Snap Out Of It! (A thank you to the friend who speaks such truth)
The point of this blog is to thank Tina for speaking such truth and light into my heart without even realizing it.
Let's recap.
The past few weeks have been really rough.
Realizing that I had to leave Paul Mitchell. Actually leaving Paul Mitchell and then trying to adjust to living at home again.
Among everything, I just had this sudden feeling of loneliness. I had my family all here and I moved back to Redding where all my friends are, but there was just something missing.
I was feeling sorry that I don't have a boy. Feeling sorry that I had to leave school. Missing my friends from school. Trying to adjust to being home and NOT being busy from 9 AM- 10PM. Frustrated that I'm working for SCOE again and not getting to do hair every day. Stressing about when the apprenticeship thing is going to even start. Hating that I had to move back home. Feeling sorry that I don't have a boy (yes, I realize this is listed on here multiple times... because that was a big one for me) Frustrated that I couldn't help a friend out with her problems. Feeling sorry that I don't have a boy.
And on top of all of this... feeling super disconnected from God and not hearing anything from Him lately. Feeling like I moved home and had my dream school taken away but then He wasn't anywhere around to help me pick up the pieces and move on.
So basically, I have been throwing this huge ol' pity party for myself for the past two weeks.
It has NOT been fun.
So tonight, without even knowing it, Tina spoke these HUGE words of truth and light that pushed through ALL those lies I had been hearing and went straight to my heart.
We were talking about another friend who had been having loneliness issues and how this friend is grasping at anything that even remotely looks like it might turn into a relationship and how she isn't trusting God to provide.
Tina just spoke these words of truth like,
"She says she trusts God to provide everything, but is she really when she is trying to MAKE things work?"
"God has always provided for her and He always will. Why is she worrying?"
"God already knows the deepest desires of her heart and will fulfill them all, but in His timing"
"She isn't thankful for where God has her now and with the people He has surrounded her with"
And many other things that I can't remember (probably because it's 1:30 in the morning) but were all super amazing.
Friend, all those things you said tonight were straight from "Dad". You have no idea how badly I needed to hear all of those things. You basically came and dug my head out of the sand.
I hadn't even talked to you about anything that I had been feeling (because I hadn't even really processed it) but you seriously, spoke straight through the lies and replaced them all with truth.
Reminding me that God has it all planned out.
Reminding me that things happen according to HIS timing and NOT mine.
Reminding me that I need to be thankful for what I have.
Reminding me that I need to be thankful for WHO I have.
Reminding me that I am a daughter of the King and He can withhold no good thing from me.
Reminding me that I do not need a boy at this moment.
Reminding me that not having a boy is not God's idea of a cruel joke, but His way of protecting me and shaping me and preparing me for my future boy.
Reminding me to be thankful for whatever happens in life because it is all part of His plan.
Reminding me to always turn back to Him.
Reminding me to TRUST Him (someday this will get through my THICK skull.... I promise)
And lastly, reminding me to trust in what He has already spoken to me.
Remembering that He calls me beautiful one and that His opinion of me will never ever change.
So, thank you. For being so blunt and wise. For always encouraging me. For being there. For speaking truth. And for just being there. You are amazing and I love you to death!!!
Let's recap.
The past few weeks have been really rough.
Realizing that I had to leave Paul Mitchell. Actually leaving Paul Mitchell and then trying to adjust to living at home again.
Among everything, I just had this sudden feeling of loneliness. I had my family all here and I moved back to Redding where all my friends are, but there was just something missing.
I was feeling sorry that I don't have a boy. Feeling sorry that I had to leave school. Missing my friends from school. Trying to adjust to being home and NOT being busy from 9 AM- 10PM. Frustrated that I'm working for SCOE again and not getting to do hair every day. Stressing about when the apprenticeship thing is going to even start. Hating that I had to move back home. Feeling sorry that I don't have a boy (yes, I realize this is listed on here multiple times... because that was a big one for me) Frustrated that I couldn't help a friend out with her problems. Feeling sorry that I don't have a boy.
And on top of all of this... feeling super disconnected from God and not hearing anything from Him lately. Feeling like I moved home and had my dream school taken away but then He wasn't anywhere around to help me pick up the pieces and move on.
So basically, I have been throwing this huge ol' pity party for myself for the past two weeks.
It has NOT been fun.
So tonight, without even knowing it, Tina spoke these HUGE words of truth and light that pushed through ALL those lies I had been hearing and went straight to my heart.
We were talking about another friend who had been having loneliness issues and how this friend is grasping at anything that even remotely looks like it might turn into a relationship and how she isn't trusting God to provide.
Tina just spoke these words of truth like,
"She says she trusts God to provide everything, but is she really when she is trying to MAKE things work?"
"God has always provided for her and He always will. Why is she worrying?"
"God already knows the deepest desires of her heart and will fulfill them all, but in His timing"
"She isn't thankful for where God has her now and with the people He has surrounded her with"
And many other things that I can't remember (probably because it's 1:30 in the morning) but were all super amazing.
Friend, all those things you said tonight were straight from "Dad". You have no idea how badly I needed to hear all of those things. You basically came and dug my head out of the sand.
I hadn't even talked to you about anything that I had been feeling (because I hadn't even really processed it) but you seriously, spoke straight through the lies and replaced them all with truth.
Reminding me that God has it all planned out.
Reminding me that things happen according to HIS timing and NOT mine.
Reminding me that I need to be thankful for what I have.
Reminding me that I need to be thankful for WHO I have.
Reminding me that I am a daughter of the King and He can withhold no good thing from me.
Reminding me that I do not need a boy at this moment.
Reminding me that not having a boy is not God's idea of a cruel joke, but His way of protecting me and shaping me and preparing me for my future boy.
Reminding me to be thankful for whatever happens in life because it is all part of His plan.
Reminding me to always turn back to Him.
Reminding me to TRUST Him (someday this will get through my THICK skull.... I promise)
And lastly, reminding me to trust in what He has already spoken to me.
Remembering that He calls me beautiful one and that His opinion of me will never ever change.
So, thank you. For being so blunt and wise. For always encouraging me. For being there. For speaking truth. And for just being there. You are amazing and I love you to death!!!
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Life
Ugh. The longer I put off writing on here... the more I have to write.
So, we're gonna try to fit the last three months into ONE post.
Lets see....
I moved to Roseville, CA to live with Andrea and her mom, Cindy.
Adjusted really fast.
Started Paul Mitchell.
Met some AMAZING people who forever changed my outlook on life.
Those amazing people turned into life long friends. (I just know it)
Went through an intense 6 week classroom course all about cosmetology.
Learned MORE than enough about ALL Paul Mitchell products.
(Became slightly brainwashed and still have a hard time buying hair products that are NOT Paul Mitchell... haha)
Got a part time job at Blockbuster.
Grew to love the people I worked with.
Performed two official hair cuts on live people (all other cuts performed on doll heads..... which I learned to NOT name a girly name because eventually you chop off all their hair to make them boys... then it's just awkward)
Graduated out of the classroom and onto the clinic floor.
Had the title "Protege"
Was on the floor for two weeks.
Realized that my part time job wasn't going to make enough money to support me down there.
Cried about it to Tina and my mom. A lot.
Prayed. A lot. For something to work out so I could stay down there.
Nothing came up.
Had some tearful goodbyes to my Paul Mitchell girls.
Then my family and Tina helped me move back to Redding, CA where I now sit writing this here blog.
Moving back has been hard. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE to be back in town and able to see my friends whenever I want. But I miss school. I can't explain how much I was in love with it. Not just all my girls that I got to know but the school in general. The way it's run. The teachers. It was just all so incredible.
At first, I was really angry with God. I felt that He had quite literally put me in Sac at Paul Mitchell. It was the perfect fit. And then all of a sudden it was getting ripped out of my hands. It was not a good feeling.
But I just had to remind myself that everything happens for a reason. And while I don't know what the reason was for me moving out for two months just to move back home, I'm trusting that something great will come out of it.
As of now, I am looking into an apprenticeship program that I will do with Jilee. It will be an amazing experience, however, there are a ton of hoops to jump through. Starting out with having to give the apprenticeship board between $3-5000 before they will even get me the paperwork to START the process of becoming a student.
So, in the mean time, I am going to be working for SCOE again. Just as a substitute but trying to work as much as I can so have some money saved up for bills so whenever the apprenticeship starts I can focus on that and that alone.
I don't think there is anything else new.
Some good music lately?
Sara Bareilles' newest cd.
Particularly tracks "Kaleidoscope Heart" and "Basket Case". Check 'em out.
Much love,
Ashtyn
So, we're gonna try to fit the last three months into ONE post.
Lets see....
I moved to Roseville, CA to live with Andrea and her mom, Cindy.
Adjusted really fast.
Started Paul Mitchell.
Met some AMAZING people who forever changed my outlook on life.
Those amazing people turned into life long friends. (I just know it)
Went through an intense 6 week classroom course all about cosmetology.
Learned MORE than enough about ALL Paul Mitchell products.
(Became slightly brainwashed and still have a hard time buying hair products that are NOT Paul Mitchell... haha)
Got a part time job at Blockbuster.
Grew to love the people I worked with.
Performed two official hair cuts on live people (all other cuts performed on doll heads..... which I learned to NOT name a girly name because eventually you chop off all their hair to make them boys... then it's just awkward)
Graduated out of the classroom and onto the clinic floor.
Had the title "Protege"
Was on the floor for two weeks.
Realized that my part time job wasn't going to make enough money to support me down there.
Cried about it to Tina and my mom. A lot.
Prayed. A lot. For something to work out so I could stay down there.
Nothing came up.
Had some tearful goodbyes to my Paul Mitchell girls.
Then my family and Tina helped me move back to Redding, CA where I now sit writing this here blog.
Moving back has been hard. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE to be back in town and able to see my friends whenever I want. But I miss school. I can't explain how much I was in love with it. Not just all my girls that I got to know but the school in general. The way it's run. The teachers. It was just all so incredible.
At first, I was really angry with God. I felt that He had quite literally put me in Sac at Paul Mitchell. It was the perfect fit. And then all of a sudden it was getting ripped out of my hands. It was not a good feeling.
But I just had to remind myself that everything happens for a reason. And while I don't know what the reason was for me moving out for two months just to move back home, I'm trusting that something great will come out of it.
As of now, I am looking into an apprenticeship program that I will do with Jilee. It will be an amazing experience, however, there are a ton of hoops to jump through. Starting out with having to give the apprenticeship board between $3-5000 before they will even get me the paperwork to START the process of becoming a student.
So, in the mean time, I am going to be working for SCOE again. Just as a substitute but trying to work as much as I can so have some money saved up for bills so whenever the apprenticeship starts I can focus on that and that alone.
I don't think there is anything else new.
Some good music lately?
Sara Bareilles' newest cd.
Particularly tracks "Kaleidoscope Heart" and "Basket Case". Check 'em out.
Much love,
Ashtyn
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