I feel like I'm losing everyone.
It feels like the end of senior year again.
Where everyone was leaving and there I stood.
I feel like I don't have that "best" connected
to the "friend" anymore.
I think it's just that things are changing again.
And I hate change.
Because I know I DO have best friends. But
those relationships aren't the same anymore.
Which is bound to happen.
I mean, shit, we're basically all 20 now.
But the change is just really hard to accept.
People moving out, people moving away, people
finding new people to attach that "best" onto.
It's not that I don't want people to have other
friends... NOT AT ALL. Please don't think that.
I want people to have those other
friends... but I want that "best" to still be
attached to me too. But I don't think it can
really work that way.
Maybe it's just jealousy that I'm not changing
in the same ways that they are?
Ugh. I hate trying to define my feelings.
As you can see... I'm not very good at it.
2 comments:
Um, okay don't feel bad about not being able to define your feelings. Haha because even if you feel like that totally didn't convey your feelings right, i'm pretty sure i know EXACTLY how you feel. I felt that way for a long time. And you know what, as life goes on and you go to cosmo school and have a job, you will find that God puts other people into your life that you can call true friends and you may realize that a lot of people you were friends with before, don't bother to keep in touch and they weren't really that true of a friend. Idk if that helps, but it's just something I've learned this year being away from the friends I had back in Redding and then coming to the realization that I only have a few true friends back home, and even so we're not as close as we used to be. I hear all these people talking about how they can't wait to go home and hang out with their friends or their best friend and it kind of makes me sad that I don't really have that to go home to. But what I do have are friendships that although we may not call eachother "best" friends, our friendships...like yours and mine....are rooted deeply in God and because of that, I have faith that those friendships can endure and will endure if it is something that God wants for us. If not, then I must remember that I have indeed surrendered every part of my life to God, and with that includes the relationships he has blessed me with, and can take away from me when no longer needed. Just remember that you are not friendless, and that although you may feel alone now, God will bless you even more in the future as you learn and grow from the hardships that you are facing.
I hope that helped. Again, I wasn't planning on writing that much lol..
I love you very much <3
All I can say is that YOU are my BEST friend. You have been there through it all and I love you more than anything. I <3 you FRIEND! I love the memories!
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